Quest 1: The Missing Prince
Prince Edwin of the Tardashian Empire is missing, the city of Redwater being his last known location.
My lackeys are Lockwood, a dwarf druid, and Talithar, an elf inventor. Lockwood has a pet wolf named Eponine, or something like that. Talithar has his… devices, which he fiddles around with.
We were attacked by some worthless elf bandits. ELVES! As if they stood a chance against my might!
My contingent arrives at Redwater. It is a… dump. Captain Bane’s watch is undermanned and disorganized. This place is pathetic. I must move for a new watch captain.
These people live in a real gong pit. How did the nobles ever let the quality of life slip so much? Surely, they are ignorant of the situation. I will bring it to their attention when I am done with this frivolous pursuit.
Captain Bane has informed me that the town is ravaged by goblin raids. Why haven’t the nobles DONE something? I am deeply troubled by this fallacy. The common peoples’ respect for the nobility is nonexistent.
The innkeeper is the best, most well-mannered woman- person, in this city. Unfortunately, it seems that Prince Edwin has been attacked and kidnapped by goblins in the night. His room is in shambles. There is BLOOD all over the place.
I met some small lizardmen near the bottom of a cliff. One of them died when he tried to tell me who his master was. The other one we let go, with the intent to track him to his lair. That is, until I discovered that they were guarding the secret entrance to the lair. We entered, and the elf fell into a pit trap. Past the trap, I encountered some hobgoblins. They didn’t stand a chance. The hobgoblin room had a secret door, leading to a small room with a magical circle within it. It turns out to be a teleportation circle. We came upon another room, filled with abnormally large rats. Beyond the rat-room, I was attacked by vile goblins. I easily dispatched them.
We encountered a trapped door, and Talithar was paralyzed by it. Behind the door were two big dwarves. Lockwood was too scared to talk with them, so we had to fight them. Afterwards, we decided to rest in that chamber until Talithar was un-paralyzed.
We turned back, exploring another room. There was an undead creature in there. It never stood any chance. There was also a dead wizard. I put his soul to rest.
We found another room, and three goblins were in it. We quickly dispatched them. the room also had a ‘reciever portal’, meaning it goes two ways. We decided to leave it for the time being.
We went up some stairs, and encountered a closed door. There were weird dog-things – I believe they are known as hyenas – behind it. I defeated them with ease.
I graciously gave Talithar my crossbow, as he was poisoned and useless in melee.
Lockwood’s nose began glowing for some odd reason. Much snickering was to be had. The fact that I prayed for light spells had absolutely nothing to do with it. Seriously. It was a complete coincidence.
A naked halfling with REALLY long arms tried to rape me! Luckily I managed to escape its surprisingly powerful grip, and killed it.
We left the room with the (now-dead) halfling, and found a new one, which held an allip. It clearly affected the wolf, as it attacked me and dragged me down the hallway. After its mind was restored, we faced the allip, and my shining glory banished it from this world. Then, in an obvious act of residual madness from the allip, Talithar and Lockwood challenged both me and my god. The fools! Of course, realizing they were impaired by the allip, I forgave them.
We walked down a sloppily-designed hallway, and a fiery fist of pain flew at us. Luckily, I managed to avoid being singed.
We entered a bunk room, with weird tentacled stalactites that attacked us. They’re a lot like octopi; they created an inky blackness that only they could see through. I easily dispatched them, even after both of my lackeys were defeated by them.
After the elf came to (a significant time after the dwarf did), we continued on our quest.
We entered a food court, filled with less-hairy dwarves. Lockwood STILL refused to talk to them. As it turns out, there ARE indeed female dwarves! Pity they’re all evil, as these ones testify. I slew them with ease, despite Talithar hiding in the corner and Lockwood’s cowardly yet ineffective tactics. Even so, Talithar continues to mock me, despite my brave actions.
Talithar has decided not to accept my healing. He won’t last five minutes.
I managed to scour the hallway for traps, proving that there weren’t any in the first place and putting my lackeys’ fears to rest.
We entered the final room, and defeated a anarchic, sadistic, all-around jackass, who magically escaped after we soundly defeated him. As it turned out, Prince Edwin was inebriated at the bottom of the dungeon. We brought him back to High Command.